fighting anxiety by going outside
i know it's not that simple but i need change - no more hiding indoors with my journal and snacks
005 of “the aftermath of a life on pause” series
From the day I learned I could walk again, I’ve tried to move on from my life on pause by pressing play and traveling. When I’d come home, I’d be very introverted, almost hermit-like, because when I’d go out in my city, I’d get sick the majority of the time. Nausea, vomiting, fainting, all that.
At first, I thought it was the alcohol so I cut that out. Then it kept happening so I thought I was suffering from dehydration. I started drinking electrolytes regularly, but it happened again. So, now I think I might have somatic anxiety. Undiagnosed: still have to see my doctor about it. If I do have anxiety though, my gawd I did not realize how something of the mind could manifest so painfully in the body. Also, what the f*ck???? I have anxiety now? I’m supposed to be DONE with being the problem child!!!
I don’t know if this is rash, or silly. I know anxiety can’t just go away with sunlight and coffee, but I’m ready to, at the very least, try to kick its ass by doing the opposite of what it wants me to do:
stay inside.
Now that I’ve watched Inside Out 2, all I can think about is Joy taking the control board away from Anxiety. It kind of helps think of it that way. It’s not YOU, it’s the emotions in your head that are fighting for the control board! Some are hogging it.
Anyway, I’ve filled up 7 journals, and there are multiple pages with things I wish I was doing in my life.
Why so much wishful thinking and not a lot of doing? Because I’ve become a big old scaredy cat [cat screech]!!! wimpy kid [boooo]. timid baby [baby cry] !!!
But, no more hiding indoors with my journal and snacks. It’s time I got back out there!
DIARY OF A GIRL GETTING BACK OUT THERE: THE PLAN
It’s best to have a loose structure of ideas for each day, so I don’t wake up without purpose. There’s no faster way to waste the day than having choice paralysis. Also, deadlines help, otherwise, I’d just tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow. -_-
TIMELINE:
SUMMER
GOALS:
get out of my shell / stop being so afraid of the world.
RULES:
1 - visit parents once a week: we’re not guaranteed a day and I don’t hug them enough.
2 - no going to same coffee shop in same week: I’m trying to get out of comfort zone, not create new one with stronger coffee smells, which I admit I love.
3 - take time to people watch: this is ultimate practice of noticing. reminder: don’t look creepy. reminder 2: keep diary of observations.
4 - pay it forward once a week: makes others feel good, makes self feel good, win-win.
5 - plan a date night per week: quality time is not my love language but it’s still important.
6 - schedule coffee date with a friend: friendship keeps you sane.
7 - do something creative for myself: i put off a lot of creative projects because i feel the need to monetize everything i do, or be the best at them. the ironic part is I haven’t monetized my art at all, and i suffer from imposter syndrome soooo.
…
ok, WISH ME LUCK !!! <3
***I’ll be writing about this summer saga here on substack and creating short-form videos.
I believe part of navigating the aftermath of a life on pause is not only about processing, but also about action. Finding out ways to live your life again, this time with intention. What good is processing without that? Traveling is great but unless you’re rich, majority of your life is lived in between your trips. Why would you want the majority of your life to not be lived well? Also, traveling is much more enjoyable when the baggage you take with you is limited to a carry-on. :)